elegantwaste's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- burning up my heart. I'm not the happiest of people lately, not because my life isn't great, cause it is, but because of those deadly archenemies of mine, inertia and melancholy. I'm sort of doing the hermit thing, staying in my comfort zone, and feeling a bit isolated and obsolete because of it. My girlfriend is wonderful and fabulous, and I'm so in love it's sick, and we're so happy it's disgusting. Really. But she's going away for two months, July 1 until the end of August, and that sucks and it's awful and I'm going to be so goddamned miserable. Like, really a lot. Part of me, I think, is upset about that already. Part of me is being upset and melancholy every so often because I know I will be like that, very soon. I don't want to be alone, I don't want to have to miss the person that I've grown to need so freaking much. (for those who have read this journal since early on and remember, have a good laugh. Me with the, I never want to need someone. Yeah, yeah, laugh it up. Things change. Whatev.) And then so much of it is just me, me and my depression. I've been thinking seriously about going to the doctor and seeing if she thinks I should go on antidepressants or something. Even though I hate the thought of that, and it's something I'm pretty adamently against. But then I see how much it helps some people, how much happier they are. Yeah. - I had the busiest year of my life, September to May. I didn't have time for a lot of my friends - a lot of people, I let kind of fall behind me. And now, when I want to get back into their lives? There's no room for me. It's fine. I understand. But, still - I feel obsolete. The cool thing that people used to want and have fun with, but now gets left in the corner. It's a stupid, selfish feeling, but there it is. - I am listening to Motown, and it makes me happy and nostalgic. 3:19 p.m. - 2004-06-14 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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