elegantwaste's Diaryland Diary

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crazy old lady with the pink flamingoes

Good news everyone. I clipped a coupon for Buy One pair of sunglasses, Get One Free! So my collection is going to start tomorrow, and I'll be one step closer to being an Irish rock star.

Kinda funny that my first appointment is on St. Paddy's day, no?

No.

Well, fine.

I've decided to embrace this. Because for so long, I haven't had a 'thing'. Well, I suppose my hair is my 'thing', my little quirk that people notice. Last night I was playing with it on the webcam, even. see?

except i piled it all on top of my head. Um. Right.

So I figure, if I can get enough pairs of sunglasses (because maybe cheap-ish ones will work, if they're 100% UV protected, or I can just use my comic book money on sunglasses, or, I won't buy my lunch every day, or something) then, THEN, I will have something to distract people away from the hair. I can be 'sunglasses' girl.

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When I was young, I used to want to grow up and be one of those crazy but harmless people you see in your neighborhood or on the street and tell stories about. The crazy old lady with the cats, and the front yard full of pink flamingoes. The crazy snake man. Y'know.

I don't know if it stemmed from a desire to be different, a desire to cast myself off from the rest of the world, or just low-self-esteem thinking I couldn't be anything great and normal, so how about great and crazy.

And that's my big problem right now. I have options, but I don't want to take any of them. I could be great, if only I had drive. I'm smart enough and good enough and goshdarnit, people like me.

But instead, I want to bury myself in the city, become somebody that few people notice, and if they do, notice me only for a trait, an odd characteristic. No, that's not true, actually, but it fit in with the argument. I don't care if I register on people's radar or not - I just want to live my life, have a few people to talk to, and be able to sit down at the end of the day.

Y'know, it's times like these that I am grateful for Miss Britney Spears. Because I can ask "What am I to do with my life?" and she'll be right there to answer, "You will find it out, don't worry."

Yes, I am kidding.

11:38 a.m. - 2003-03-07

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