elegantwaste's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- faith and early risers A year ago, I would have laughed at the thought that I would ever wake up at 3:30 in the morning to go to work at 5am. Now I do. Two to three times a week. And the terrible thing is, I'm sort of starting to like it. Not only do I get free reign to complain ("oh god, I'm so tired, I had to work at 5am." "5am? that's inhuman!") plus the requisite sympathy, I get home before noon, with a whole day ahead of me. If I don't cop out and go to sleep for three hours, I can get the same sort of thing done that I would normally in the wee hours of the morning. Writing, thinking creatively, etc. It sucks. But, it's also kind of neat. Neat. I haven't said neat like forever. Neat. - I'm avoiding social contact right now. I should go to this thing, but. I can't go places by myself very easily. I just. Ack. It's a phobia. But yeah, I was realizing that a lot of cool things have been happening to me lately - oh, I didn't get that job, by the way, but I did a good interview, I just don't live in North Van. I didn't want the job anyway. Crazy boss. -anyway. Good things. But, it's not making me happy. I haven't been happy in a long time. Boo hoo, wah, I know. This is diaryland, everybody is sitting at their computer typing about how depressed they are, who cares. I just keep considering going on medication again. Cause. Well. yeah. - This afternoon I sat in a pub with two pretentious poets trying to get the publication we founded last year to get off the ground this year. Apparently it's not, really. We have no money, and the three of us have no business sense. We're writers. Anyway. So I'm going to build a webpage for it, and it'll be an e-zine, kind of. And I have control. It's kind of exciting, but also, I know I'm going to put it off and then do a half-assed job. What is it like to have faith in yourself, I wonder? 7:54 p.m. - 2002-09-25 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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