elegantwaste's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- sea-goats are practical, too. land, water! it's all good. I firmly believe that sometimes your best qualities can also be your downfall. In my case, that is my extreme Capricornian practicality which basically forbids me from making decisions like "oh, I'm going to quit my job!" or "I think I'll go to Europe for a few months" or "I'm going to wear a miniskirt today!" Instead I think, "God this job is killing me but I need cash," "I can't go to Europe, I'm broke, and anyway, all my stuff is here!" and "Honey, you'll be looking down to make sure your ass ain't falling out all day long." Because of this, I am very unspontaneous when it comes to big decisions. I plan and I worry and I plan and I worry. It's come to my attention that I am a neurotic freak who pretends to be the most easy-going laid-back person around. And much of the time, I am that lazy easy-going person. Much of the time, ie: when anything is practical? Whatever. I won't complain. I won't freak out. Anything is cool with me. But the rest of the time, yeah. Crazy, anxiety-ridden psycho. So the fact that I am completely, utterly broke - in fact, in debt a LOT, and making not that much money - and about to have to pay $3200 tuition, makes it so incredibly hard for me to even consider spending a bunch of money on plane tickets to my friend's wedding. But I did. And it hurts, because it is so the wrong decision, I'm pretty sure I'm going to be uncomfortable and not have very much fun, my boss is mad at me for taking time off, plus, broke? And I'll have to buy a present, too, and an outfit. Plus all travel expenses. And yes. But I did it! I'm going. I made a decision that is completely unpractical. And I'm absurdly proud. -- It's strange - now that I've been accepted to grad school, nobody's tried the "what are you going to do with that?" line on me. They're all happy for me. Instead of questioning the validity and/or usefulness of the degree, it's all congratulations and tickles and whispers. Fucking lying turncoat bastards. 4:17 p.m. - 2003-06-02 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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