elegantwaste's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- coward I've had a substantial amount of money for five days now, plus I got paid yesterday. I could buy things. But I'm not. I want, quite desperately, to go to New York this fall. October, maybe. But I am terrified of doing things by myself, first of all, and terrified that maybe I wouldn't want to come back without someone to anchor me. But nobody has the money to go - hell, I don't have the money to go, considering student loans and living expenses and tuition. And a part of me will feel geeky. Because although I've wanted to go to NY my entire life, the impetus behind this trip? Joey Fatone. NSync member making his Broadway debut on Rent. Sad, I know. Equally sad is the fact that only about three or four people in this world have filled me with as much love as Joey Fatone does , some kid I've never met and probably (hopefully) never will. Hopefully, because it's illusary, and an infatuation, and I have no desire to meet him, really. Yes, by the way, my mental age is 12. I like NSync. I love Joey. I would, if I had more money than I do and more bravery in doing things alone, jump on a plane and spend a couple thou on NY and Rent tickets. I doubt I will, because at the same time, I am detrimentally practical. I can't just do things that don't make sense, that I'll have to pay for for months. Okay, I can, but not usually. I'm Capricorn on the cusp of Sagitarius, you see. So I might go back to school in September, I might not. Without that money from the student loan people, there's no way I should spend this money I now have on something like a frivolous trip. And if I do? I shouldn't go to NY for a week, I should go away, go all the places I've always wanted to, be that nomad I've always wanted to be. I have trouble leaving things behind, you see. Like this. 10:13 a.m. - 2002-08-09 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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