elegantwaste's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- the walls are headache grey I started my grad school application, and suddenly was well on my way to a panic attack. I have to remind myself that an application is not a contract. I might not get in. I can decline. I can decide to do whatever I want to do. The thing is? I'm pretty sure, that at this moment in time, this isn't it. The deadline is the 31st. I start getting dizzy and I stop breathing and my head goes fuzzy. Some part of me has decided that I have to act, I have to take a stand, I have to do something. If it's not right for me, then I'll be miserable, but if I just sit around working at bloody Starbucks for another year and accomplishing nothing that actually matters to me, I'll be miserable too. How do people do this? How do people go through the day and make huge important life decisions? This is a tiny minimal decision but it's near impossible for me to make. And now that my health issues are resolved - hospital visits thrice a week resolved, but resolved for now, nonetheless - this, and my current courses, are all I'm stressed out about. I have 13 days. Isn't that a movie? 4:43 p.m. - 2003-03-18 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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